675979115 发表于 2024-6-9 23:35   全显示 1楼
作为开头来说人物和信息太多了，最糟糕的是还有不少一般人不熟悉的古代职位和部门，读起来还是比较费力的
另外就是五女侠脱衣的那段感觉安排得太早了显得比较突兀，因为还没把男主好这一口的形象立起来，第一个动作就是脱衣服显得思路有点跳跃了
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  • 逍遥夢 金币 +5 认真回复，奖励！ 2024-6-9 23:38
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